Little Faith...Big God

As I said just yesterday, why does God always put me in a place of waiting?  In the next breath I answered it...because without waiting on Him for something we would have no reason to trust Him.  Isn't that where He wants us...to have complete dependence and faith in Him?

It's hard though.  Isn't it?

One would think that after the rough year we've had I would have perfected this area of my life, but I haven't.  I have grown in trusting God more, but I'm not there yet.  Each and every day something comes up and causes me to question.  Do I really trust that God loves me enough to care about this circumstance?  Do I trust He has time for me?  Do I believe He will act on my behalf because I am His child?  Do I really believe He causes all things for good for those who love Him?

When I am doing this questioning, I am taking my eyes off of Jesus and putting them on my problems, my circumstances.

This brings to mind the story of Peter in Matthew 14:28:33.

The story begins with Jesus walking on the water out to his disciples.  They were afraid when they saw him and thought He was a ghost.  Because, really how many times do we see someone walking on water?  When Peter saw Jesus, he called to Jesus and said, "Lord, if its you, command me to come to you on the water."  Jesus told him to come.  Peter then climbed out of the boat and walked on the water to Jesus.

What happens next is what happens to me over and over again.

When Peter saw the wind, he was afraid and began to sink.  I equate the wind to his circumstances, his problems, his fears, or his trials.  He let his fear overcome him.  He was focusing more on the wind, his circumstances, instead of on Jesus.  The result was that he began to sink.  But when Peter noticed he was sinking, he cried out to Jesus, "Lord, save me" and in another translation, "Lord, help me."

IMMEDIATELY!  Jesus reached out his hand and took hold of him.  Jesus didn't wait until he sank completely.  Once Peter turned his focus back to Jesus and called out to him, Jesus saved him.  Jesus came to the rescue.  Then Jesus said, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?"

Ugh!  That's me.  Peter knew who Jesus was because in the beginning of the story Peter called him Lord.  He had obviously experienced him in the past enough to call him Lord, but he still doubted.  The reason he doubted is because he took his eyes off of Jesus and put them on his circumstances, the wind.  This is not where the Lord desires our eyes to be.  We need to take our eyes off of our circumstances and put them on the Lord.

"Let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith..."  Hebrews 12:1&2 

Did you see that?  The perfecter of our faith.  Jesus called it.  What Peter and I both lack is faith.  The thing is we don't get faith by working harder.  We cannot attain more faith ourselves.  Jesus perfects our faith as we turn our eyes back to Him.  He is the one who grows our faith.

After Jesus saved Peter, they climbed into the boat and the wind stopped.  Next, the disciples worshiped Jesus saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."

I need to make sure that my response to Jesus rescuing me is always worship.  After all, that is why He made me...to worship Him.

What circumstance is going on in your life right now that you need to take your eyes off of?  What is keeping you from turning your eyes to Jesus?

He is able!

Cry out to him.  Lord, help me!

 and He will.

Still Holding on to Faith

So I know its been ages since I've written.  I can blame it on a couple of reasons.  Number one the kids have been home from school for the summer and I can't seem to find time to write.  Number two, I've been struggling to write.  I haven't known what to write about.  Frankly, the last six months have been the roughest period in my life, ever.  I have not only been learning how to grieve the loss of our daughter, but I have also been dealing with some chronic health issues.  In the last three months, my life has been completely overwhelming.  Its been dark and cold and lonely.

I think when we lost Charlotte I thought that would be the hardest thing we would ever have to bear, at least for a little while.  In dealing with my health that kept getting worse, I cried out to God.  "Didn't I bring you glory in my response to the loss of Charlotte?  Why this?  Please heal me."

In the midst of our grief and my health issues, Steve and I seemed to drift from each other.  I felt as though God had abandoned me and now I felt as though Steve had as well.  I can truly say that the reason Steve and I drifted apart was because we were both learning how to grieve.  Neither one of us had experienced grief or loss before.  We both grieved in different ways.  Each of us not knowing what to do or say to the other.

Before I scare any of you, we are doing well now.  We talked to a pastor at church, who encouraged us that what we were going through was normal for marriages and escalated by our loss.  From that point, things began to turn around.

In mid-June, we also found out some exciting news.  We are expecting another baby.  We are ecstatic.  But this news, in itself has thrown a few curve balls.  Now we were not only dealing with grief, health issues and marriage issues, but we have a new baby.  This opens wounds and leaves lots and lots of opportunity for fear to creep in.

So needless to say, these are some of the reasons I haven't been writing much.  Right after we lost Charlotte, I began writing our story.  A few months ago I decided I wanted to have it done by six months.  Next week it will be six months since we lost our baby girl.  I am almost ready to publish her story.  I sat and worked on it today and am still amazed at the emotion that fills me as I write.  Here I am sitting in a loud coffee shop typing as fast as I can type with tears rolling down my cheeks.  I truly pray that our story will help and encourage others in their own losses.

As for us now,  we continue to walk in FAITH.  Having faith that God will heal me, faith our marriage will continue to grow stronger,  faith we will hold our new baby in our arms in January, faith we will know God more from the experiences we have here on this earth, and most of all we have faith in the hope we have that this life is temporary.

"So we do not lose heart.  Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.  For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."  2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Moment by Moment

After hearing the news that we had lost our daughter, Charlotte, I lived the next 24 hours and even days moment by moment, trusting God each step of the way.  I remember asking my pastor's wife to pray that Jesus would carry me through all the things I knew had to happen in the next hours and days.  Carry me He did!  If I started to look ahead to far, I would get scared and become overwhelmed.  This wasn't how Jesus expected me to get through this trying time.  His plan was for me to trust Him and He would give me exactly what I needed.

In quietness and confident trust is your strength.  Isaiah 30:15

I didn't see any way around what I had to go through, so I trusted Him.  I prayed through each moment.  Each step along the way I gave to Him, trusting Him.  After I had my IV put in and my blood drawn, I said aloud, "one step done."  I praised Him.  As I was getting my epidural, which I am never fond of getting, I prayed..."help me, Jesus.  Oh, Jesus."  One more step done.  After they broke my water...another step done.  I spent that entire night of labor trusting Jesus each and every moment.  He gave me peace.  It is hard for me to comprehend the peace I felt as I walked through the most devastating thing I have ever been through.  It had to of been from Him, because in my human self this would have been impossible.  He was so faithful each and every moment.

He desires us to live moment by moment, relying on Him to give us the strength to get through anything we face, from the mundane to the trials, from the joys to the challenges.

If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.  John 15:7

There is no need to jump ahead of Him with all the what-ifs and the worry.  We have no idea what will happen.  And He's got us!

The result of living this moment by moment kind of faith is Peace and Hope.  These come from a God who loves us and has a plan for us so He is glorified in our lives.  It's not about us and what we can do. It's about Him and all He can do.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.  John 14:27

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.  John 16:33 

This is the Hope we have.  He has overcome the world!  He will overcome whatever you are facing today.  Our job is to trust Him moment by moment.  He is faithful and He will do the rest.