Still Holding on to Faith

So I know its been ages since I've written.  I can blame it on a couple of reasons.  Number one the kids have been home from school for the summer and I can't seem to find time to write.  Number two, I've been struggling to write.  I haven't known what to write about.  Frankly, the last six months have been the roughest period in my life, ever.  I have not only been learning how to grieve the loss of our daughter, but I have also been dealing with some chronic health issues.  In the last three months, my life has been completely overwhelming.  Its been dark and cold and lonely.

I think when we lost Charlotte I thought that would be the hardest thing we would ever have to bear, at least for a little while.  In dealing with my health that kept getting worse, I cried out to God.  "Didn't I bring you glory in my response to the loss of Charlotte?  Why this?  Please heal me."

In the midst of our grief and my health issues, Steve and I seemed to drift from each other.  I felt as though God had abandoned me and now I felt as though Steve had as well.  I can truly say that the reason Steve and I drifted apart was because we were both learning how to grieve.  Neither one of us had experienced grief or loss before.  We both grieved in different ways.  Each of us not knowing what to do or say to the other.

Before I scare any of you, we are doing well now.  We talked to a pastor at church, who encouraged us that what we were going through was normal for marriages and escalated by our loss.  From that point, things began to turn around.

In mid-June, we also found out some exciting news.  We are expecting another baby.  We are ecstatic.  But this news, in itself has thrown a few curve balls.  Now we were not only dealing with grief, health issues and marriage issues, but we have a new baby.  This opens wounds and leaves lots and lots of opportunity for fear to creep in.

So needless to say, these are some of the reasons I haven't been writing much.  Right after we lost Charlotte, I began writing our story.  A few months ago I decided I wanted to have it done by six months.  Next week it will be six months since we lost our baby girl.  I am almost ready to publish her story.  I sat and worked on it today and am still amazed at the emotion that fills me as I write.  Here I am sitting in a loud coffee shop typing as fast as I can type with tears rolling down my cheeks.  I truly pray that our story will help and encourage others in their own losses.

As for us now,  we continue to walk in FAITH.  Having faith that God will heal me, faith our marriage will continue to grow stronger,  faith we will hold our new baby in our arms in January, faith we will know God more from the experiences we have here on this earth, and most of all we have faith in the hope we have that this life is temporary.

"So we do not lose heart.  Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.  For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."  2 Corinthians 4:16-18

St. Louis

St. Louis, Here we come!! Two vans full of us. We decided to take a road trip to St. Louis at the end of the kids Spring Break. We invited Grandma, Papa and Uncle Mark to come along. The more the merrier and a merry time we did have.

Busch Stadium, where the St. Louis Cardinals play

Since it wasn't raining and the weather was perfect, our first stop was the St. Louis Zoo. We've been wanting to visit this zoo for a while now. We have heard it was really nice. It is also FREE which is a HUGE plus when you are paying for nine people wherever you go. We had a great time there and spent until dinnertime exploring and viewing all of the animals. Did I say the weather was gorgeous?

For dinner we ate at the Cheesecake Factory. It was yummy, but would have been better if one of the kids didn't get sick as we were sitting waiting for our food. :( That evening we took the kids swimming for a while. I'm sure they would all say that was their favorite part of the whole trip. Funny how kids are.

The SEVEN of them

Zoe

Taking a wee rest

Checking out of the hotel. Mind you, we only went for one night and this is what luggage looks like for nine!

After we checked out of the hotel, we did a bit of shopping at a mall close by. We had a birthday present to buy for daddy at the Apple store, his birthday was that day. We ate lunch at the mall and then headed down to the St. Louis Arch (aka The Jefferson National Monument Memorial).

We left St. Louis around five to head home. Thankfully, we beat the storms and tornados. About an hour and a half after we left, tornados hit St. Louis pretty badly. God was watching over us and we didn't run into any storms on the drive home. We all had a great time and it was fun to do the trip with Grandma, Papa and Uncle Mark.

Dad, Leah, Tristan, Anna, Grandma and Uncle Mark were the only ones brave enough to travel to the top of the Arch.

Daddy and his brown eyed girl

One Of the, I'm Sure, Many Things...

(this photo is from back in the Spring when the entire family minus Steve and Z were treated for Strep Throat)

...no one ever told me about having a large family.

Sickness

You see in a large family when one person gets sick with something contagious, like let's say Strep Throat, a cold, or the stomach flu, it gets passed from one person, to the next person, to the next, and so on. By the time everyone has had the sickness and been treated for it, the cycle begins once again. It then makes its way back through the family again. Sometimes, it changes from Strep, to the stomach flu, and then on to Pink Eye. It is even conceivable to think that we could have everyone sick with a different kind of bug all at once. God, have MERCY, please!

We had Strep throat go through just before Christmas. All of the boys were treated and the girls made it out safely. This week already, I have had one daughter in to the doctors for a nasty ear infection on Saturday. The other daughter had a fever last Thursday and Friday and stayed home from school. She was fine over the weekend and on Monday and Tuesday. On Wednesday, morning she kept saying she was cold. I thought she was just trying to get out of going to school. After I helped get her dressed, I took her temperature...101.4 degrees F. She got to stay home. After a while of her laying on the couch, she threw up. It was then that I knew she had Strep Throat. I called the doctors and got her in later that morning. She tested positive for Strep. If my doctor had not been a man, I probably would have cried. All I could think is here we go again. My mind then begins to fill with the steps we have to take to keep this from spreading and to get rid of this bug.

Number 1 - Stop at Walmart on the way home from doctors. Pick up prescription, Tylenol, Ibuprofen (lots of it). Recently I decided that when I buy Tylenol to always buy at least two bottles at a time. We go through it rather quickly.

Number 2 - We have to make sure no one shares cups. Everyone uses their designated color.

Number 3- New tooth brushes all around, but we can't open them for 24 hours.

Number 4 - No sharing chap stick.

All of these are hard when you have a three year old running around drinking from everyone's cups and chewing on everyone's tooth brushes.

When they/we get sick, I have to switch into survival mode. I need to do what comes next. I need to love on my sickies and show them I care. I can't be worried about tomorrow or who will or won't get sick. Heaven forbid it be me, although, secretly I do sometimes wish I would be the sick one so I can hibernate to my bedroom for a whole day. Not sick enough to be paralyzed, but just enough to nap and read ALL DAY LONG.

I do have to say that I love Winter, but due to the fact that our family is sick ALL winter long, I'm having second thoughts. Everyday, I need to remind myself that my God is Healer and my God is Protector. My prayers are filled with those cries this winter.

Everyone's bottle labeled with their initial so we can keep them straight

Grandma and Aunt Laura's Visit

Just a few highlights from our visit with Grandma F and Aunt Laura. We visited Warwick Castle on the first Saturday of their time here. Unfortunately, we forgot our camera that day. We had a great time and especially enjoyed our dinner at Nando's in Coventry.

The above photo was taken at Burghley House. We spent the day there walking, picnicing and playing in the water at the Garden of Surprise.
Mom, Laura and Nathanael enjoying our day out to Cambridge while the rest of the kids were at Holli's. We had lunch at the Slug and Lettuce (a chain restaurant/pub in England). Thanks again, Holli!

Mom and Laura 0n the bus in Cambridge

Our day out to Stamford on Cason's birthday. These pictures are of us stopping at Bean's for our hot chocolate and milkshakes.

Mom, Laura, Andrew, Cason and Nathanael (sleeping) on a bridge in Stamford.

Mom and Laura by the train at Kings Cross in London for our girls weekend.

Me and Laura in front of a monument at Kensington Palace.

Me and Mom on a bench at the Cath Kidston store in Covent Gardens. Such a lovely store. It was hard to make final decisions. I did come away with a really nice bag and matching wallet.

Mom and Laura in front of an English phone booth.

The kids and grandma being silly on their last night here.

All of us (minus Steve) before they left bright and early the next morning. We had such a great time with them and are so happy they were able to make it to visit us one last time.

Big Announcement

If you haven't already heard or seen the image on our sidebar, we are expecting baby #7 in mid January. We are thrilled at having a new little one join our family. The new one and Nathanael will have the largest gap in age that we have ever had. Nate will just be two when the new one arrives. The kids are excited as well. It just amazes us how welcoming they are to having more siblings. You would think selfishness would kick in, but not with them. They think the more the merrier. The kids are having a fight on what the baby will be. The girls want a girl and the boys want a boy. Leah is sure it is a girl and will argue her case to anyone who says otherwise or argues with her. It is pretty funny. We will find out (probably) what we are having at the beginning of September.

If you have just found out, please don't feel like you are the last to know. We just started telling people last week. I thought I would put the baby ticker up on the sidebar for a week to see who noticed. Then I would post this this week. This is a picture from our 12 week sonogram we had last week.

Tickets Booked

I am so excited to share three sets of tickets that are booked.

First, Steve's mom and brother are booked to come here the middle of June. We are so looking forward to seeing them and for the kids to have some quality time with Grandma. Its been a year since we have seen them.

Secondly, Steve and I just booked flights for just the two of us to Venice, Italy for a weekend when his mom and brother are here. They so graciously offered to watch the kids for us so we could get away together. I am so looking forward to it. It will be nice to travel sans kiddos and to also see Venice. Venice has been on our list, but we didn't think it would be an enjoyable trip for the kids. We, also, can't wait for the yummy Italian food.

The final set of tickets that are booked are ones for my sister and mom to visit us over here the middle of August. This will be my moms third time visiting, but will be my sisters first time. I am so excited to show her around where we live and let her experience a bit of the English life. We hope to get a girls weekend to London in sometime when they are here too. My mom and sister, also, offered to watch the kids, so Steve and I might sneak away to London for a show.

We are all looking forward to having a bit of company and enjoying some of the summer with them.

Playing in the Snow (part 2)

On Monday night after dinner, we decided to take the kids out for a walk. Steve and I were remembering back to when we were young and when we would play out in the snow after dark. We wanted our kids to experience it too. We headed out to the park. The kids loved running around, making snow angels and making a big snowman with the help of mom and dad. We all had a blast. I was sore the next day from running around.


Nathanael enjoyed it too. He stayed nice and cozy in his little sleeping bag.