Today I finally got myself to clean out Charlotte's dresser and put the baby girl clothes back in the bin to go back to storage. It seems as if I was just washing and folding them, preparing for her arrival. As I pull out the newborn clothes each time we are preparing for the birth of one of our children, I am in awe of how tiny they are. I get all excited to dress my new babies in them and I dream about what they will look like and who they will become. I'm sad because Charlotte will never wear them. I bought a couple new outfits just for her and I will never see her in them. I am sad that I will never get to dress her...to watch her grow before my eyes.
It's been two months since we lost Charlotte. I miss her. I cried today because I once again long to hold her. I have this idea in my head that as time goes on this longing and sadness I feel will go away. It hasn't. In the last week, I have dreamed and longed to hold her in my arms more than ever. It may be the fact that it is now Spring. New life is forming all around. I always have a longing to have a baby in my arms when Spring comes around. This year I should have. This make me sad and makes my arms ache all the more.
This morning, I read a blog, of another mom who lost her baby girl, and I cried for her. She made a comment that really stuck with me. She said to her daughter, "every day we are closer to where you are and we will rejoice to see you again." I'm so thankful I have this confidence. It doesn't make today hurt any less, but it gives me great hope for the future.
Showing posts with label Heaven. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Heaven. Show all posts
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Death and My Children
Yesterday as I was taking Nate and Zoe to the doctor for a check-up, ahead of us I saw American flags lining the side of the road. I wondered what they could be for. As we drew nearer, I saw that it was a funeral home. I choked back tears and prayed for the family. I was so proud and impressed that they would honor someone like that.
Nathanael asked what the flags were for. I explained that it was a funeral for someone probably in the military. We talked a bit about what that meant. He then said, "Charlotte didn't have flags." I chuckled to myself in the moment and told him because Charlotte wasn't in the military.
Later last night I was thinking about the scene from earlier in the day and once again was reminded by the fact that my children and some of them still very young have experienced death. They know it too well now. They know what a funeral home is. I didn't have to explain that part to Nate earlier. He just knew. It seems in my opinion too much for a young child to have to know about.
I am reminded about another conversation a few weeks ago with Tristan. He started asking questions about how funeral processions could run red lights. It intrigued him how we were able to go right through the red lights as we followed the car carrying Charlotte to the cemetery. We talked about all the details in that. At that time, I again was struck by how my children know too much of death...all the details involved.
We have been reinforcing Heaven with our children a lot through all this talk of funeral homes, cemeteries, and death. We have hope because we have Jesus. Charlotte is safe with Jesus in Heaven. Even Zoe who is three knows this. She very often says, "My baby sister dead. She's in Heaven with Jesus." Even though I feel my kids have experienced more of death than they should at their young ages, I desire them to know that they have a God who loves them tremendously and that they can have hope in Him. I am praying that the experience of them losing their sister will draw them closer to Jesus. I desire that more than what they know about funeral homes, processions or cemeteries, they would know the hope they can have in Jesus Christ, who paid the penalty for their sins and that they can one day spend eternity with Him (and their sister, Charlotte) in Heaven.
Nathanael asked what the flags were for. I explained that it was a funeral for someone probably in the military. We talked a bit about what that meant. He then said, "Charlotte didn't have flags." I chuckled to myself in the moment and told him because Charlotte wasn't in the military.
Later last night I was thinking about the scene from earlier in the day and once again was reminded by the fact that my children and some of them still very young have experienced death. They know it too well now. They know what a funeral home is. I didn't have to explain that part to Nate earlier. He just knew. It seems in my opinion too much for a young child to have to know about.
I am reminded about another conversation a few weeks ago with Tristan. He started asking questions about how funeral processions could run red lights. It intrigued him how we were able to go right through the red lights as we followed the car carrying Charlotte to the cemetery. We talked about all the details in that. At that time, I again was struck by how my children know too much of death...all the details involved.
We have been reinforcing Heaven with our children a lot through all this talk of funeral homes, cemeteries, and death. We have hope because we have Jesus. Charlotte is safe with Jesus in Heaven. Even Zoe who is three knows this. She very often says, "My baby sister dead. She's in Heaven with Jesus." Even though I feel my kids have experienced more of death than they should at their young ages, I desire them to know that they have a God who loves them tremendously and that they can have hope in Him. I am praying that the experience of them losing their sister will draw them closer to Jesus. I desire that more than what they know about funeral homes, processions or cemeteries, they would know the hope they can have in Jesus Christ, who paid the penalty for their sins and that they can one day spend eternity with Him (and their sister, Charlotte) in Heaven.
Friday, March 22, 2013
Kids Say
Last night as I was putting the girls to bed, we were talking about Charlotte.
Leah said that Charlotte was probably really beautiful and that when God looked at her He was amazed at what He had made. She then said this was probably why He took her right to Heaven to be with Him...because she was so beautiful.
I told the girls that Charlotte was beautiful and this was probably true, but we still miss her.
Leah said that Charlotte was probably really beautiful and that when God looked at her He was amazed at what He had made. She then said this was probably why He took her right to Heaven to be with Him...because she was so beautiful.
I told the girls that Charlotte was beautiful and this was probably true, but we still miss her.
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