For the past four months, I have had this huge burden hanging over my head. This burden is writing thank you notes to all the many, many people who have blessed us in countless ways since we've lost Charlotte. Beginning just days after we lost her, I had my mom buy me a journal and I began writing down the names of people and the ways they blessed us. These blessings range from meals, gift cards, flowers, gifts, notes, laundry, to memorials. It had been my greatest intention and desire to sit down and write to each and every person how very touched we were at their thoughtfulness and support. But, here I sit almost five months after losing Charlotte and I still have a list of names too long and overwhelming to count. As I sit today and try to scratch out a few more "thank you" notes, I cry. This isn't what I want to be doing. I do long for everyone who has blessed us to know how much their thoughtfulness has meant to us, but I don't want to write it. I still want to hold my baby and writing thank you notes is just another reminder she is not here with me.
A few months ago at my small group, I mentioned to my small group ladies how burdened writing thank you notes was to me. They told me I should be exempt from writing thank you notes under the circumstances. They all told me not to write one to them. I poured out my heart to them, thanking them for the way they carried us with actions and prayers through the most difficult time we have ever faced. I cannot even explain the burden I felt lifted from me that night, knowing I didn't have to write them.